Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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