Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
