I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
