I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
