Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
