the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
