hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
