the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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