She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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