I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
