and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
