just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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