In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
