I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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