so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
