glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
