I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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