I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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