I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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