FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
