no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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