I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
