literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
