Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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