yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
