real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
