i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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