Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
