I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
