I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
