Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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