I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
