So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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