1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
