i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
