I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
