I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
