I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
