hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
