So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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