even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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