I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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