Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
