I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
