Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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