remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize