Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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