i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
