this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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