so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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