and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What drink are we having for lunch?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
