I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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