dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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