What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
