if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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