Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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