she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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