just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
This toilet bowl is my home.
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