last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
