That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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