I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
