I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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