My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
