All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
