I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Randomize
