i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
