He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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