and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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