dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
