Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
