i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
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Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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