hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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