After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is Oprah even human
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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