Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
