no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
