over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This baby is an asshole
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
