Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
