I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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