It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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