her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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