Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
