he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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